Goodness, been in the sch library for dunno how long and I still don't know how to enrol. This is so fantastic. And I am hungry and I want to buy my textbks and go to fitness 1st or get my laptop back. This is so nuts... pls pls can any nut help me with my enrolment?

anyway, I had a nice time ytd. 1st time 6 pple can squeeze into a room :) so fun..haha.. oh well enjoy ur last b4 the sch starts :( and i shall continue reading how to proceed with my enrolment :(


hmmm, no winners to who can guess what time I woke up today. And haha, spent most of the day swimming or more like gossiping at the pool :P So happy, finally can use a proper pool and can swim with apple. Actually apple looks so feminine in her swimming costume.. haha but we did hv a fun time esp the part when we went to the kiddy pool and had a free massage.

and now feel v tired, but I shall wait till 12 midnight or a bit later to slp. sigh, why cant oasis a/c change to the new semester subjects? webct keeps showing my past semester subjects, and I really don't like reminders. Strangely, even though I don't want to be reminded, I still went into webct to look at all the discussion boards. pple swapping groups, discussing physics, textbooks etc. So now, feeling sorry I did so. Thinking how it would be like if I am still in the course. ok whatever. finish. kaput. I shall start watching tv series again.


wahhhh!!! actually I was supposed to slp earlier today, but then I was so excited tt I could watch this totally spanking brand new hk series "war and destiny" tt now I must watch at least the 1st episode. And the main theme song by myolie wu is so nice too!

Actually I hvn't finish watching the korean series "gong"; left 6 more to go but what the nuts anyway. My 1st love is still hk series! haha and this hk series got my fav actor and actress!! Plus apparently from this website tt it is some grand production! wahaha.. actually got another hk serial called " dance of passion " tt I badly want to watch since got Charmaine sheh inside but I got some prob with my ID so... :'( haha plus another one "lethal weapons of love and passion"!! WAhh, the fighting scenes look so gd from what I see in the main website. oops sorry, hk fan here. Since I cannot play my warcraft or age of empires as my dear laptop drive is spoiled, so hv to focus most of my attention on hk series!

alamak, so late already, and tmr going to swim with apple and mrs wonka :) ahhhh, okok I try not to watch the 2nd episode but I said I will try only :P hope I don't wake up bathroom mate with my rantings :P


Today I woke up bright and early as usual. I really need to change my bad habit. Anyway yes back to the subject.. Today seemed like a wonderful day until I got an email telling me my results for last semester; In detail. How nice. And to make it even worse, they even tell me my standard deviation from the avg of a class. And certain assignments even deviate from the mean like 4.0! Even those that I did better are only better by a few marks..My prac exam, hah, how nice I passed one with distinction but the other failed like some imbecile. I feel really stupid. I know I shouldnt keep on saying tt, but this is like in black and white, shouting tt I Am stupid. I don't even feel like walking to the post office now. I just don't want people to ask me abt it. I just want to forget it. I want to really get rid of anything tt can remind me of it.. Sh** I hate this feeling


today finally managed to get my butt off my bed to go to fitness 1st.However I think my stamina is really not at where it was last time. Then I went to carousel to eat at Han's, to eat fried squid rice which just ruined my whole workout and worse still with some pie. In addition to that, drank coffee and now unable to slp. Though I am so sick and tired of everything.

Today ok as in ytd (thur), I feel really miserable. Maybe like what Annice says I am too sensitive. But of all things today... 2 things happen. At 1st it wasn't so bad.. Was just worried over some stuff.. but then apple cheered me up by pretending to be someone else on msn. And I had supper :) maybe I am now trying so hard to be happy b4 I go to slp, but I wish things were as b4..


:) was supposed to go fitness 1st in the morning but.. haaha both of us cannot wake up to go. Kept on waking up from 8am at 1 hr intervals but in the end I succumb to slp.

haha, went to sch just to hand in some sch stuff. come home eat lunch made by the one and only apple :) And we finally played some basketball!! Apple is a super gd player.. I felt so unfit when I played. Was like wheezing like some old geezer. I shall and I must go to fitness 1st tmr morning/afternoon.. ok I shall say hopefully..
But other then tt, I watched the korean series Gong. Haha no I did not switch from liking hk to kor series. But this one is really not bad.

All was a fine day, until my left eyelid shake. So unnerving.. I know I am damn superstitious but everytime tt happen something really bad always happens. It happened when I got my this sem and even my A's. So of cos I was worried. I was like thinking abt the possibilities tt my studies somehow have some prob etc.. sigh but then sometimes the prob itself can be so unexpected. Definately not angry, I really don't know why people can get confuse my angry look with my sad look. But really not happy despite the 'haha' strewn over this blog entry.. So unhappy till I cannot slp.. Maybe will try to study or try to slp after this. sigh I should hv accepted apple's offer to slp in her room.. oh well back to.. whatever


today morning as in like 1/2am I was thinking abt a lot of stuff... thinking until cannot even slp when I tried to at 2am. I really don't know whether it is my fault or not... Sometimes I really try to be happy and think positively but sometimes I really can't. OR sometimes I be happy when I am really not till I don't even know whether I am truly happy. People say that happiness lies in your own hands but... I just don't know how to be.. I try hard to maintain good relationships, but I guess I always try too hard, until I meet up with disappointments. So I guess the best now, is to let things be and don't push pple.

Anyway, today had lunch with my mum's fren. It was quite an enlightening talk. Learn quite a lot like I should slp and wake up earlier etc. abt diff pple and places. so many things. I never met someone who can be frugal with his own $$ but not with other pple. Asked him a lot for studies etc. Funny thing is that it was the 1st time I ever go out with my mum's frens. Most of the time it is with my mum and sisters. And all I need to do is just smile and nod. But I don't feel anything, as in don't feel shy or whatsoever.

Yup, now going with payal, mrs wonka and frens to watch movie. Hv to go out once in while.. till then..


today, is one of the most slack days ever. Come back from talking to teachers and hv been spending my time watching movies. :) And watching with pple who I care or treasure a lot makes it even better :) haha sorry.. feel a bit light headed today.. nono it is really not becos of this alcohol, it is v mild, I think only 2.5%. I just want to finish it since it took up so much space in the fridge.. Guess it is becos I am not so stress anymore. but what the nuts, though hving some difficulty in getting to fill up my credits, I feel so slack nowadays.. I feel as though the real hol finally begins, when ironically it is not since I start sch like next week. But what the nuts, just go with the flow or else I will get more tensed up :)I shall continue reading my stephen king book and scare myself nuts till I can't slp again :P


tmr is the start of the change.. haha ok i must tell myself um sai gang. today not so frustrated, but still is. frightened as to what is in store tmr.. frighten or worry until cannot slp now.. this is so... tsk.. I hope I can do well.. Hope I won't be too stress.. Hope I can understand.. haha ok basically I mean I got lots of hope for this upcoming semester.. Just hope tmr will be fine.. okie, then I shall go over and disturb bathroom mate if she is still not slping since I just disturbed apple just now and mrs wonka is already slping


sometimes I wonder, why is it tt one can be so rude to a person who they love,respect and care so much for? Why is it so hard to say sorry even.. I don't understand why I can't get along..

I really wish she can understand me. Why do we hold such differing views? Why can't she understand why I made this decision to stop this course? I really really want to salvage whatever is left of my dignity. I don't like it when she keeps on asking the same question when now I am still trying to push it as far as I can in the recesses of my mind. I don't want to be reminded of it..I thought I felt better until I was provoked today. There are so much anger and frustration kept under wraps. I can't even talk properly when I am talkin to her abt it.. I don't like it.. I hate myself for being so stupid; such a letdown.. Then when I do get angry, I can't control myself.. And today I had the worst temper in front 2 people who I cared the most here. I felt so bad. I know I really shouldn't display my temper but there is so much stress still building up in me. I can't say it out like discuss it becos I still can't control it.. Sometimes I feel when u want to forget something really badly, the more it comes back to haunt u. I remember last time when I was in s'pore, usually my mum is there to give me those long comforting hugs tt always alleviate the burdens or worries tt I hold, but why is it diff now? I wish..


apparently I must be one of the most stupid and blur person around.. Cannot do this and worse still is also blur at the present. And the worst thing is tt becos I am blur abt certain things so I assume,and tt pple see it as though I am lying...Like today, I didn't know tt by still being CIC I am considered as a diploma student although I am studying a uni course. So of cos can u imagine the embarrassment I hv to go thru. And my new unit coordinator already hv a bad impression of me.. I couldn't explain to him today so I really hope he will understand when I do speak to him tmr..

These whole week has taken a lot of beating to my self esteem.From changing course etc. hah, I feel as though I am writing abt my psychology essay. Seriously, I never felt so low self esteem in my whole life. I don't think I was ever that aggitated too. I don't feel angry at most angry at myself for being so stupid. In fact I don't think I was ever tt stupid until now. Then whenever I go to sch or to some nearby place like shopping mall, I feel so worried if I see any of the teachers. It is like I want to be some fugitive, to be an escapist. I even took down the notes on the wall as I cannot even look at them. Then the other thing is tt I worry whether if I can cope with chemistry again and some new subjects. I want to be in control with my life but it is so fragmented now until it is so hard to piece them together again. my housemates hv been supporting and so r my ex-classmates. I know they are trying to cheer me up but asking me to go out, but I just don't want to see any single thing tt reminds me of it..


It has been one heck of a week.. So many things to do and accomplish. I guess sometimes when we want things so badly, the more things do not go our way. I know I am a stubborn person, but I am changing that now. However certain matters like being stubborn with my housemates like Annice and Apple still holds.

Maybe it is because now I finally share the same ideology as my mother as to how I should proceed from where I am now, or rather to put it more succintly, how should I stand up after this fall. I know what to do now. I just hope I know how to go abt tryin this new way. Yes, I still wish I can go abt doing things as they were. I still do think what if? Even up to now,I am still thinking 'what if I change to a uni tt can enable me to do the same course?' I think esp for my case, I do not let go easily of the past.. Sigh, I just hoped it would not affect my present life.


Today as in thur I feel really miserable. I don't think I would like to write it here. But pls pls try if you see me today, pls give way to me. I am really v frustrated and sad today. And I really mean it when I am sad esp. And it not related to my results. at most interlinked in some way but diff matter.

She said I was over reacting but I am not. Why can't people see my view? Esp those who r suppose to understand me? I hate this I hate this!! I really feel like going to some far out place where nobody knows me.. I know I overestimated myself, and I am willing to acknowledge tt.But Pls pls just let me keep what is left of it..


My results are finally released. Originally I did not plan to even write this blog. I really got no heart to do so. So I guess even for the next few days I probably won't be online on MSN or at most put as offline.

I pride myself as one who can think of fallbacks or plan B. But this time round I did not forsee my plight to reach an even lower standard. It was very hard for me to come to terms. I could not slp. Then the next day as in today I started to appeal for my results, but was unsuccessful and also my plight was more serious than it looks. Especially when I saw my anatomy teacher, when he went thru every single qn with me, then I realise how stupid I am. There were answers that I myself am shocked at. I asked once for the supplementary paper but after tt I felt I was too audacious to do so. I tried asking them many ways to go round this barrier but most routes they suggested me to do is to study back in Singapore or change course.

Apple was asking me to try my hand in appealing. My mum wanted me to adopt a more fatalistic attitude. From the looks of it, though I am stubborn to admit it, but now I think my mum is right. I really loathe changing to other courses. I know if I try to change to courses like design or commerce I think I will fail more badly than I did at present. I can hear my mum now saying that I have a low self esteem again, but I feel I am thinking more of knowing where are my limits.

I am very grateful to apple for supporting me emotionally. In the beginning, I wanted to shut myself up from everybody, but then apple changed tt. She provided so much support tt I don't think I myself can provide. also when I talk to annice on msn, I feel better.

But ultimately it was my mum after many talks to her tt I finally broke through my desolation. She kept telling me not be stubborn and be open minded. I know I am stubborn; apple and annice always tell me tt. It is a more fatalistic attitude. Usually I don't like to adopt such but more of a 'fight to the last' attitude. But I guess from what I see n hers, I should try other courses. I supposed we can't always get what we want or have our interest. I just hoped I can get back to what I want ultimately in my life and be happy with it. In spite of this, I am contented with the family and frens tt I hv..


tsk, today still didn't receive my results, so hv to wait from now to wed morning...

Finally today I went to exercise at fitness 1st. I always love the water more than exercising at the treadmill, since I don't sweat. Also because when I swim I feel as though I am in my own world w/o any noise etc. haha esp in perth, if they don't hold any aquatic classes, the pool is usually mine. not like s'pore where they are always loads of pple. I feel really relaxed after swimming, even though today morning I was frustrated with the results. But I still need to use the treadmill once in a while to increase my stamina.

~SigH~ the whole of today seemed wasted. Spent so much time cleaning and haha just finished drawing something but I shall not write wat it is. Now then I start studying. tsk.. and surprising apple is behind me watching the korean series 'Goong'. Surprising in the sense that she is still up at this hr plus she is not jumping from the 1st episode to the last, and most impt she is watching a romance serial!! lol, I think the stress is geting into her tt she need to use this as an outlet to escape worrying abt her results.

oh well, back to studying! and :) bathroom mate is coming back soon :)


I know I already write my blog for today. But it is so late now and there is no one online at all.. And I really want to write this out though it is like actually talking to myself.

I cannot slp. I cannot study either. I don't know what to do. I think even if there was somebody online, I don't think I can talk either after talking to PJ just now on the topic of anatomy exam. We talked like on our mother's take on failing the subject, wat to do should we fail. Even when I met Val today morning, the same topic. She can even sense who I will miss most over here. Even if so, I will miss val a lot too. Despite the age difference, I feel comfortable in her presence, like some motherly presence.At least once consolation I think I passed my physio OSPE since I didn't receive any mail today or ytd. I.. I think I really cannot think for today anymore. I shall be an escapist and go to freemantle tmr.. in the mean time try to slp so can wake up tmr..


Today, thanks to maurice, I finally went to Innerloo shopping mall and scarabough beach. Don't laugh at my spelling I really don't know :( Will update the photos of the beach esp prob around end of this month.

Yes today if I consider it as sun, I left 1 more day. I just realised it not long ago when I was reading some letter from a physio association.I was like thinking wat e hell was I thinking when I sign up for this membership when my current education is on the rocks. Then I realised how badly I want to study this course.. I don't want to change course. I don't want commerce or design or whatsoever. I don't even want OT. I could not understand why apple wanted to stick on to her course so much but now I share the same feeling. This is so damn ironic in some way. I feel like such a letdown. Why didn't I study harder for anatomy?? Why this and why that? I don't know anymore what to do but to just prepare for a maybe even nonexistent supplementary paper..


sighhhh... the whole of today except morning was gd.

Now can't even conc to study a bit. Was too absorbed in playing my psp game..Tsk becos I finally break thru a new lvl. Tsk tsk.. So way behind my schedule. Can't even finish my 2 chpts tt I was supposed to do today. Drat it all lah.

haha tt reminds me.. there was a fire in the kitchen today. Of cos not some massive one since mrs wonka want to be the '1st' to accomplish tt, but quite a big one tt got me panicked. Started becos of the oil from the seasoning of the chicken apple was baking. then when suzy opened the oven, the flames grew much bigger becos of the rush of oxygen! Wah tt was the 1st time I saw an actual fire. I was like damn panicked. no fire extinguisher but only a fire blanket. Like how to cover the stupid flame if I use the blanket? Haha we even tried blowing at the fire. Luckily apple was quick witted. She open and close the cover of the oven and cut off the oxygen supply thus stopping the fire :) haha luckily the smoke didnt reach the fire alarm, since we opened the windows etc. Plus luckily the microwave was fire proof..At most the only casualty was tt the plastic encasting the oven was black. But like wat suzy said, multi-purpose spray can get rid of tt :P

haha and another :) is tt I saw my classmate from s'pore! wahaha I love the web cam. Sigh but then bathroom mate didn't go online today again. sigh 100x.. ok I must now really try to study for at least an hr b4 I go to slp. So tt I can wake up to eat my dim sum tmr :)


hmmm today ok fine ytd (thur) is quite fruitful.

Beginning was going on strong. Went to carousel for a break. Then when I was studying at nite, was talking to some frens, tt I found out my fren had to repeat and has no chance of taking the supp paper. I felt like some big fat boulder was added to my burden. Then my fren called me for the same matter. I couldn't study becos I cannot conc. Tried watching 1 hk episode but also cannot conc, which is prob the 1st time. Then along came apple who is slping in my room now. Now I really don't understand why she want to give up her big room to slp on the floor, but I like the company. At most worried tt I will disturb her with my typing etc. Yup, as u can guess, she talked me round. She said a lot of stuff tt made sense. Most imptly not to lose hope, even though e future looks v bleak. haha yes, so now i am putting in more effort. Studying up to now, but just taking a break in writing this blog so I need not write this tmr.. haha ok back to studying :)


today is yet another day..
ytd I did not study at all. Feel so bad, plus I woke up at 1pm again. Need to change this bad habit.. Anyway just checked oasis again.. no results yet.. It is this feeling of trepidation tt hits me everytime I open my oasis a/c. At least I did not check it every single hr like a few days ago.

I think I can cope better, but see how on the 10th or the 12th. haha ok yes I admit I am still worried.. Sometimes once in a while I will think of the future, but today and I am surprised myself I can finish off quite a bit of anatomy. Maybe becos I finally talked to my gd fren from singapore ytd tt woke me up. OR to seeing bathroom mate. whatever the case, yup am feeling better :)


today i did not study at all... woke up as usual at 1+ pm. then went to this place near coles for lunch with apple. I shall not mention the name of this place since tt nuts of annice who keeps laughing at me.

yup and my housemate maurice is nice enough to help me buy the lan line for internet. So yes I can finally talk to dear bathroom mate!! haha so darn happy. Can see her online and can even use webcam to see her.. haha n managed to see ...! haha too bad apple didn't see it :P ya i am really v v v happy to see bathroom mate's face. haha she changed so much.. but the best news is tt she is coming back earlier!! haha can't wait.. my room next door wont be empty anymore..

YES! okok I shall study after watching the movie.. I shall attempt to start my coffee habit v soon


this past few days hv been nerve wracking.. been pondering over so many things.. which step should I take? What are the implications? How? What do I need to do now? These week those who need to take the supplementary paper will be notified. However those who are a clear fail r notified along with those who hv passed.

Talked to Barclay today or rather ytd. Would it be best if I change to commerce or design? Or repeat next yr with the 75% imposed on me. Wat other health sc subjects I can take if I do some next semester to make up the 100 credits? So Damn few since my present course is so specific. Go back to CIC? How abt go back to s'pore to wait? It leaves me with not much choice. It appears tt not all roads lead to rome after all. The next step is fraught with danger. And then there is the money issue. With that it also depends how successful is my appeal. I feel as though I am driven to a corner with so much pressure. Also what happens if I am given the supplementary paper? Though tt is a laugh and a half. It is a no win situation with a few pple passing tt to go on to the next semester..

pple r asking me to calm down, to think rationally. Some pple think i am overreacting but I am seriously not. If u never see my mid yr exam results etc, pls do not comment. I am sick of telling pple tt. I am thinking rationally. I am making plans to counter whatever in the way. I am doing the best I can already. So pls, pls do not push me anymore.. I don't think I can take it much more..


can't believe.. Just finished talking to apple for like 3/4 hrs? feel bad tt she hv to slp so late.. But I am contented to know such a gd fren. We hv so much in common. I guess the only barrier is the language one; after all my command of chinese is so bad. Been having many of these talks with her..I feel v grateful tt she can understand my plight now. Without her during this period, I do not think I can do it. Like these few days, I don't even feel like eating a proper meal; like I just want to eat my cereal or potato chips or choc. But she always make sure I do. I thought tmr (mon) the results would be released so I was in a lousy mood, but she cheered me up. She ensures I come out of my "habitat" -> like what annice says.

Speaking of bathroom mate, didn't see her online.sigh, unless she was online tt time when I was talking to apple.. or when I was slping. haha I think today I wont be able to slp, since I slpt so many hrs today.

haix... anyway the results will be coming out on the 4/5th of july. Tt is those for borerline cases pple who need to take the supplementary paper. I don't know for those who failed badly. Maybe today it will be released? I don't know.. but tt's why I am writing this blog... Pls give me the supplementary paper and not a clear fail :'(


Is it just 1 more day? Or a few more? Will I be able to face it bravely or look at it with regret? There are so many conflicting emotions. Today morning even dreamed I was doing some exam paper that I cannot do.. does tt mean anything?

It is strange. I don’t want to slp early but neither do I want to wake up early. In the morning, it is like the earlier I wake up the closer I am to seeing my results. Then if I do not wake up early, I will feel guilty and will slp even later for tt day.

If tmr is really the day I will get the results.. then so be it. I just hope I can still study for the supplementary paper and not be discouraged.


WaHHH 10 days since bathroom mate left! Apple and I were discussing abt this earlier on at dinner. And it seems longer... ahhh well....

today, I hv the worst backache ever.. AND all becos of 1 or a few stupid mouse. Now ordinarily I would say they r cute, but pls of all places why shit in my cupboard with all my clothes etc? AND on my sch bag??? Wah liao! So the whole of today morning and afternoon was spent on cleaning my room and bathroom. Went to coles to buy more soap etc. Everything so nice and clean now :) *sniff* yes still have the dettol smell and my *tada!* new carpet becos using a diff brand of carpet cleaner.. haha actually must take tt stupi mouse, then at least divert me from thinking a lot..

hmm apple...today I was virtually fighting with her at coles. Nuts to her. keep on wanting to pay for the vanila ice cream. So malu at the cashier. Later at home also fight over the money. tsk tsk.. And she can make it sound convincing by saying I done this and tt in much detail. haha she can remember things in so much detail but she can't remember names! but she is my gd fren, so I only hold the rights to bully her :)

so as u can see, my mood today is much better. OK maybe becos too tired from all those work. But no prob :) after all talking to anniceTHEangel now :P