today... it is so strange... I got what I wanted but then I felt as though I lost... It is such a terrible feeling.. I rather if I just lose it..

Things seem to be getting out of control... Wish I can do this wish I can do tt.. everything is so complicated.. Maybe I was thinking of this hk series, but I think it would be so nice to stay in the countryside with someone I love and we will just watch the stars or watch e sky in the evening..

anyways, lets not get into much detail.. tt is just a fairytale..
today my big sis is so nice to hear me out even though she was rushing to finish this report.. thanks!! :) I no longer feel tt bad... ahaha she forced me to say everything... but thankful she did it.. if not cannot slp. hehe anyways... will try to slp now.. nite blog :P


headache finally gone.. but now I don't feel like slping..

2 days of complete waste... What am I doing? It's so strange.. I used to be afraid of the darkness, it is like there is no warmth in it... but I just love all the silence now..In a way, it is so comforting.. I cannot study now.. but I am just enjoying the quietness.. I feel like walking around my area... to look at the beautiful night sky... I don't like it when it starts to brighten.. It is too fast over here.. it is time to resume back my responsibilities once it brightens..
my mum says to think and reflect in my own quiet time.. haha I do think, but think too much.. time passes by so fast.. sometimes I feel I go crazy just by thinking alone.. There is this ongoing battle in my mind.. I don't like living in the past but the emotional luggage is too heavy to shrug it off. I don't want to live in the present either.. So many responsibilities.. Facades to maintain.. sometimes to have the power of knowledge or understanding certain situations is better w/o. simpletons r so lucky..

missing u lots.. u were always there to comfort me whenever I needed u.. love u lots..


today may be 1 of the 'those' days, but it is also 1 of my gd days.

Didn't do well for a major test, got so stressed up till I cried in class. But the point is, it is not because I was fetching someone tt I didn't do well. I had ample time to study and just couldnt focus.

anyways, the gd thing is *award ceremony* I am so grateful to the ppl who showed concern for my studies and my health. But on the other hand too, I better not show too much concern to some.. It did hurt me a little to see.. well ya....I supposed they need their own private space... I just hope our friendship can stand thru time..

better slp now.. since i got this off my chest


*drank too much coffee again*

Lately, been busy.. Keep on adding 'outside' sch stuff to my timetable.. so unlike me.. playing bmt nearly every week, going to church, cell grp and educell, n maybe work?

Still trying to get use to the above
.. to be closer to my classmates and not being anti-social by staying at home and watch tv series or pc games
.. to be much closer to God. this sudden change.. I can't think properly now to write it so nicely but it was 1 of the nites a few weeks ago..
I felt really lonely.. I was scared of ppl that I love will leave me.. Esp since I am here and I can't see them since they r in s'pore.. so scared.. It was like the time when I noticed how my mum aged so much.. At tt time, I was also worried for my units.. I badly want to do well but it just looks so daunting.. Couldnt take the stress.. so I started to read the bible.. Found comfort that God is always with me and he will see me past my troubles. For once, I really felt the presence of God. It was from then on, I started putting more faith and trust in Him. I want to understand n hv more faith and not be restrained by theories of science.
I am an introvert.. I prefer staying at home and keeping to myself. I can keep up with appearances but only for a short while.. So I tend to avoid crowds. I hope I can adjust so tt I wont feel uncomfortable..
I admire ppl who can show their love for God by jumping or lifting their hands in praise. I love God too, but I just can't do the same actions. It just feels so awkard.. I just dont know how to express it.
Also, I hope I can schedule my time better.. so I won't end up like now with no time to complete my hw..