people are still partying at this time? lol, I bet is my ex housemate holding his parties again. ok sorry not tt funny... guess the coffee I drank in the evening hvnt wear off yet...

today ok I mean ytd, I finally finish my HB project... kudos to Christina who helped me a lot. And together with my housemates we finally watch a movie!! Happy, cheered me up...

sigh ok, what has been bothering me... ya, studies of cos..and of cos finanical matters.. studies... I wish I can be street smart like my elder sis.. I wish this I wish tt.. haha.. I always dream too much of a future tt is too positive.. Like I want to be like my dad, but then something simpler like physiotherapy I can't even handle. I hate all this reminders.. The more I think of it the less confident
I feel abt myself. I know Annice always say I am too pessimistic at times.. but I really can't take it...I did study a lot for things like my microbio, but then ppl who didn't even go for lectures or do their hw can get 80+ while I get 68? I know some will say tt, tt is enough..just like my epi marks.. But I want so much more.. I want to prove that tt last sem was not becos I am stupid but maybe becos I was lazy. I want to be like my dad so much..or at least do my family proud..

finding a job.. I know I appear as though I don't want any jobs.. guess it is like the self-handicap thing.. I don't know how to put it...but I really want to find a job.. I don't want to hear of rejection from any job offers tt I apply, plus there r other reasons why for certain jobs. haha I noe, I noe I sound stupid... haha.. I think Li-shan is just spouting off rubbish again.. haha ok I shall end off here and start revising for the 2nd attempt tmr.. I mean for today afternoon


today started off bright and early for once :) tks to bathroom mate who took such pains to wake me up :P haha and also tks to her she gave me this chance to work... Not sure if successful but still tkful lah :) at least I can see see some new place. hehe anyway tt was not the highlight.. The part which was, was when we went to this indo restaurant to eat :) the food was too much but then it was nice :) and then she intro me to this store tt sell asian food :)wahhh I finally got more herbs to boil more soup...

oh tt reminds me.. I think my dear mummy mummy will be happy to hear this.. Now I am a bit getting paranoid when I eat.. as in really paranoid.. even dreamt of some worms in my noodle soup. And it was those furry ones in the backyard! got this hazy image but I think it is becos I didn't wash the vege properly... haha whatever lah...

anyway,just want to put this part of the email my mummy mummy sent to all my sisters today... a tribute to my little nut whose bday is coming soon :)miss u little nut! hehe my little nut is not only getting prettier but becoming a old nut. ok I shall stop here so I wont be accused of making a 'grammys'


Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what Sisters do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Careers end.
BUT--------

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are
between you.


Thur I started my new class; food safety. Interesting lah, but so late at nite? I feel so slpy... plus I feel so paranoid with wat I can eat or not. Like my fav, bean sprouts. :(So tired.. cannot read ahead b4 class as on fri, I start at 9am and I hv a full day class till 5pm.. So sianz.. And like on fri, for the 1st time in my 'chemistry'career, I broke something. Was trying to be kiasu by swivelling 2 conical flasks at one time to dissolve the solute and I smacked both of them together causing one to crack. And I took a long time just to weigh the borium into tt flask!! And to add to tt, I m not sure if any glass shards got into my clothes and I was not wearing my lab coat. wah I felt like screaming so badly, becos my whole wk sux with all my crappy results. It is like my microbio, I put in so much effort and got 68??!?!? And I forsake my human bio PA 2 for tt kind of results?? AARGH so stress..

and sheesh... been spending $$ like water by eating so much. Been playing pc games like no tmr from ytd to today afternoon. Indeed it is the start of the holiday, but I put my mid yr exam for epi this coming wk and my chem finals on tue hopefully. so which means this is no hol. Plus I am supposed to use this week to do notes for my microbio and human bio.. ok so tt means need to start getting down to serious business.

As u can see my happy mood a few days ago, has just been erased completely.. So irritated now.. Pls don't talk abt tt matter anymore to me..


:) start a new day with a smile :)
haha sorry can't help smiling... actually today is supposed to be a sad day for me since I did so badly for my PA2 and the whole of human bio lect and prac was pointless since for the 1st time I didnt prepare the focus qns in advance becos I was studying for my PA2..

But then it was brighten up.. Ok I need to stop thinking of silly things... This is v unlike me. Don't know why in the past when somebody do such stuff for me I don't feel so impressed. but now, heheh... guess it depends on the person.. haha.. ok I better wipe out tt smile on my face... I think I am scaring my next door neighbour :)
okok one last smile :)

need to get ready for my microbio and project for tmr nite :(


today... I felt like the meanest idiot fren on the whole planet... was just checking my friendster email tt I never see for I think more than 3 wks? mrs wonka was right... I should keep in contact with frens in singapore... I don't know what is happening to me... I don't feel like going out or talking to pple on msn whether they r pple i noe from singapore or aust. It is not as though I don't like them or appreciate them... I just don't know what to say... I don't know how to put it. It is like I want to forget all I hv in singapore becos it reminds me of a lot of things tt give me stress.

so can u imagine when I read a email from this gd fren of mine; tt i noe from my work in spore, saying to another gd fren of mine saying I changed, not like the one she knew last time. I felt so bad... really feel v sh****. And to top it off she said tt I only care abt my frens in aust. Now yes I do care abt frens in aust. But other than my housemates, I don't even talk much to my classmates in aust or go out with them to watch movies etc. Sh** fu**... I really feel like some evil person.

Will rectify tt from today onwards..Will check my email like friendster regularly and talk more like the 'old' lishan


now is 2+am.. I think I can't do my HB project since I am taking so long to download the microsoft publisher software to do my share for the pamphlet. Hope I can just quickly read thru my lect and prac notes for tmr's lesson and can go to slp... but haix as usual, thinking a lot... it always centers around the same things... studies, finance etc...

I always think too much, so much until it is hard for me to slp. speaking of slp, ytd was a nightmare.. slpt like only 2 or 3 hrs to finish off my hw for microbio and then I still couldn't slp becos of the coffee and me worrying abt whether I can pass all the subjects for this semester. And today the teacher confirmed my fears for this subject. Even though I read the lect notes etc, I thought I understood what was required. So much to learn... Guess this weekend must rush to study for the 2 CAA tt is = to mid yr exam.

actually I want to say something tt is bothering me a lot in this blog, but I just don't know how to put it. So far never tell anyone either. I think once I wrote it in my msn nick, but haha I think tt time virutally no one was online,tt's why I dare to write. The very most I can say is tt... is like sigh how to put it? ok analogy from this hk series I am watching now: when someone offers u something, u refuse. But when he throws it away, u find it a waste, and regret. ok more analogies from the same show, but I don't want to say or write becos tt will really spell out the answer. anyway, yes yes, I will now rush to look thru my notes so I can go to class early and keep awake :)


today must be 1 of the most dao mei days in my life.

to start it all, was so exhausted becos I slpt around 3am. Wanted to slp earlier but some things were just bugggin me.So I really felt like skipping lect but then in e end I got up. Rained in the morning and got wet. Freezing for my toes. and I kept nodding off to slp during e microbio lect. For HB at least I was awake for the 2nd part.

After e 2 lects, I rushed home to slp. Cannot slp becos it was still too cold and I hvnt bath yet.So was debating to slp on the floor but then too itchy so heck it all and slpt on the bed. Then by the time I went off to slp, I had to rush to sch at 2pm for project. Wonders of it all, I tot it wouldn't rain again so I left the umbrella at home. Got drenched in the rain while trying to run from CIC to the library.

In the library while doing the project, this librarian ticked me off for placing my bottled of lemon flavoured drink tt is not water and asked me to keep in my bag. I honestly dont know tt. Then when we rushing for my bio prac class at 4pm, when I tried to bypass, the sensors beep damn loudly. Wah liao... tt one I am really innocent, I borrowed the book 2 weeks ago n I had no prob going in and out of the library for those 2 weeks! Then the librarian was like looking at me and beckoning me to see her. She was like asking whether I got borrowed the book etc. Fantastic man, do I look like a nut? haix.. and the book wasnt even due yet.

anyway so my group and I rushed to the anatomy lab. and since we were all late, we didnt noe which class it was. And it was already 4.15pm. And so we just randomly walked into 1 class and asked the teacher. And wonderfully, it turned out our class was not in the anatomy lab but in the usual common room.

Finally was in the proper class. I guess the only interesting thing today was tt I finally touched the head of a cadevar. Plus some brains. The down side again was tt didn't finish early today. And we were rushing like nuts and still we were 1 of the few nuts left. yup tt sums up this whole awful day.. Will try to do hw b4 slping =p


2 am already... maybe today I shouldn't have drank coffee, or maybe still thinking too much...

today's lecture.. finally can keep awake for the whole of the microbio lect but then couldnt' do the same for the 1st part of the human bio lect. So tired, even though I drank 1/2 a cup of coffee b4 I went off to sch. But to keep awake for the prac in the evening I drank the other 1/2 of the coffee and now I am still wide awake. Luckily I foresaw this and my class tmr is at 11am.

Actually the purpose of this blog is not to declare or what but to say I finally really n 100% sure tt I hv underestimated all my subjects. I put so much importance into human bio and epi tt I forsake my micro. This month of sept is going to be hectic with all the CAA tests tt is actually mid yr exams in disguise and with the start of my new subject... food safety. Wonderful, simply wonderful.. so to make up for e lost time b4 I really fail micro and even epi, will try to study till 5am the latest so I can go for my chem class..


isn't it ironic, from young, sch has been trying to instil this attitude tt money doesn't make the world go round. Why can't everything be so nice and we all hv perfect families? Sometimes I just feel tired with all these trials and tribulations. I am tired of looking at the positive side of things. I want to be idealistic but then they push me to change. I want to help other pple so much but then my own hands are tied. Such matters are driving me nuts until I can't even slp.. hope I can immerse myself so much in my studies till I can stop feeling so frustrated and stop running away...


Crazy - simple plan

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photo shop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

I guess things aren’t how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3
No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy
Is everybody going crazy

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV’s
When kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share


ytd cannot slp early again... Wanted to slp the latest by 2am but then was wasting my time by lying on my bed thinking.

today morning, cannot wake up. Luckily payal changed the time if not.. haha...Don't know whether will go or not in the afternoon but see how..

I think after reading what a person said... unless if I misunderstood what she is saying, I really feel stupid again. If I am really intelligent, I need not come to aust to study. I don't think she meant it seriously, but nowadays I am really sensitive. Even when people said certain things abt me or if their tone is just not nice, I would flare up or just feel plain miserable. All this stress has been piling up on me ever since the start of this 1 wk hol and I don't know how to cope with it except just go out and waste $$. And to add to this, I really want to find a job. But how to find a job tt is near my home and is suitable to my time table? And today morning is my fren's bday. saw a pic of jc classmates and now, stupid me, I feel like going back to singapore badly so tt I can escape this all. but hah, I also got no face to return back. So it is like either this or tt... logically I should just study hard and and stop worrying.. yup should try tt now =)