My results are finally released. Originally I did not plan to even write this blog. I really got no heart to do so. So I guess even for the next few days I probably won't be online on MSN or at most put as offline.

I pride myself as one who can think of fallbacks or plan B. But this time round I did not forsee my plight to reach an even lower standard. It was very hard for me to come to terms. I could not slp. Then the next day as in today I started to appeal for my results, but was unsuccessful and also my plight was more serious than it looks. Especially when I saw my anatomy teacher, when he went thru every single qn with me, then I realise how stupid I am. There were answers that I myself am shocked at. I asked once for the supplementary paper but after tt I felt I was too audacious to do so. I tried asking them many ways to go round this barrier but most routes they suggested me to do is to study back in Singapore or change course.

Apple was asking me to try my hand in appealing. My mum wanted me to adopt a more fatalistic attitude. From the looks of it, though I am stubborn to admit it, but now I think my mum is right. I really loathe changing to other courses. I know if I try to change to courses like design or commerce I think I will fail more badly than I did at present. I can hear my mum now saying that I have a low self esteem again, but I feel I am thinking more of knowing where are my limits.

I am very grateful to apple for supporting me emotionally. In the beginning, I wanted to shut myself up from everybody, but then apple changed tt. She provided so much support tt I don't think I myself can provide. also when I talk to annice on msn, I feel better.

But ultimately it was my mum after many talks to her tt I finally broke through my desolation. She kept telling me not be stubborn and be open minded. I know I am stubborn; apple and annice always tell me tt. It is a more fatalistic attitude. Usually I don't like to adopt such but more of a 'fight to the last' attitude. But I guess from what I see n hers, I should try other courses. I supposed we can't always get what we want or have our interest. I just hoped I can get back to what I want ultimately in my life and be happy with it. In spite of this, I am contented with the family and frens tt I hv..