sometimes I wonder, why is it tt one can be so rude to a person who they love,respect and care so much for? Why is it so hard to say sorry even.. I don't understand why I can't get along..

I really wish she can understand me. Why do we hold such differing views? Why can't she understand why I made this decision to stop this course? I really really want to salvage whatever is left of my dignity. I don't like it when she keeps on asking the same question when now I am still trying to push it as far as I can in the recesses of my mind. I don't want to be reminded of it..I thought I felt better until I was provoked today. There are so much anger and frustration kept under wraps. I can't even talk properly when I am talkin to her abt it.. I don't like it.. I hate myself for being so stupid; such a letdown.. Then when I do get angry, I can't control myself.. And today I had the worst temper in front 2 people who I cared the most here. I felt so bad. I know I really shouldn't display my temper but there is so much stress still building up in me. I can't say it out like discuss it becos I still can't control it.. Sometimes I feel when u want to forget something really badly, the more it comes back to haunt u. I remember last time when I was in s'pore, usually my mum is there to give me those long comforting hugs tt always alleviate the burdens or worries tt I hold, but why is it diff now? I wish..